I've never been a "handyman" and it still puzzles me especially in this day and age, we still call it a handy "man". Let's just say, I'm not very good when it comes to fixing or building things at home. When it comes to being a Man, what's more important to me has been listening, sharing thoughts, being compassionate, being encouraging, sharing my feelings and challenging others to think deeply for themselves. That's been more of my scene ever since I could remember as a kid, but I've only finally come to embrace in the last 5 years.
Does love mean accepting the person as they are? If that's true, we wouldn't be fussing at them to turn off that gawd awful TV show the Bachlorette, would we? Yet, we still love them regardless of their different interests. Thus my perspective's changed. You can still love someone, and not accept them entirely. So, my quest continued to define what love means for me. Here's what I came up with and jotted down...
I recently did some reading about different forms of attachment styles in relationships. I'm fascinated to learn more about myself as part of my ongoing personal development journey, and determined to provide the healthiest version of myself to Annie, my son and the people I care most about. Basically, what I've learned is that there are 2 attachment styles: Secure and Insecure. I dug deeper to determine what my attachment style has been in past relationships, determined not to repeat the same pattern in my current relationship with Annie. Based on a checklist of the behaviors, I fell into the Anxious Attachment Style.
Throughout all my years of learning about improving my mental health and acknowledging my own personal growth, I sometimes think about how things in my life has happened for a reason. I love to self-reflect because it's a reminder of how far I've come since my days of kicking the dirt on the ground feeling defeated. Things happen for a reason. There's a cause and an effect, and if we choose to see an opportunity, greater things will come to surface given some time and patience.
My delightful millennial coworker Stella often teases me at work about my Gen X philosophies and idiosyncrasies. When I was in my 20's I never would have imagined going to bed at 8pm and that's one of the many things about me that she banters about. When I explained to her that on my dating profile, I included that I like to have meaningful conversations about life, she exploded in laughter pointing out that it's far too serious and a turn-off to say that. After her brief 101 on dating, I stood back and said yikes...she's right! Thus, I elected to save the meaningful conversations about life for a blog or with my close friends only.
I woke up again in the wee hours of the morning, unable to get a decent night's sleep. I desperately tried hard to fall back asleep, but restlessness became my blanket and soon my eyes were as wide eyed as my cat's. I rolled over and fumbled around in the dark for my phone and saw that it was only 4:03am. Another 57 mins to go before my alarm is supposed to wake me up to go to my bootcamp class at the gym. Unable to find interest in any of my apps on my phone at four in the morning, I for no other reason than boredom began scrolling through my list of phone contacts.
Without an ounce of doubt, self-discovery has changed me and the way I think. I thirst for it now because it liberates me from who I was before. My perspective on life has shifted and this gift I was given is an opportunity for personal growth and a healthier wellbeing. Collectively this improves my mental health.