I was looking for years to meet that special someone I can truly connect with. Someone who gets me. Someone who not only has a zest for life, but also shares the same values. Someone I don't have to doubt, question or second guess. Someone who may not have gone through a similar journey as I have, but understands me well enough to appreciate my ongoing efforts to become the loving man and father I'm capable of being. Someone who can communicate with me with a simple look.
How can we improve our relationships with the people around us? We all desire happiness, love and intimacy. These are all normal human desires that keep us actively pursuing relationships. But how do we get from a place of chasing to a place of already having?
Can men truly change? Ah, the million dollar question that lingers on every frustrated spouse and cynical single woman exhaustingly swiping left on their favorite dating app.
In recent years, I was always drawn to women with a similar past as mine; difficult childhood, struggles with mental health and a somewhat broken family relationship. As a result, those relationships were always missing an emotional connection that I have longed for in my adult life. Intimacy with them was non-existent and I often felt anxiety in my body whenever I spent time with them (warning signs that something wasn't right). There was a push-and-pull feeling where I'm drawn in, then pushed away, leaving me with doubt in myself. Yet I held onto those relationships, feeding into my own anxious attachment style.
Facing our fears is perhaps one of the most terrifying experiences a guy can have. Why is it so painful and daunting to look deep into that abyss? Is it because we're afraid we'll discover things about ourselves that we'll reject? It's painful enough if the World rejects you, so why would I delve deeper into myself and run the risk of rejecting myself? Why would I walk straight into a burning house?
Does love mean accepting the person as they are? If that's true, we wouldn't be fussing at them to turn off that gawd awful TV show the Bachlorette, would we? Yet, we still love them regardless of their different interests. Thus my perspective's changed. You can still love someone, and not accept them entirely. So, my quest continued to define what love means for me. Here's what I came up with and jotted down...
Here's some things that I'm feeling grateful for despite having a cold today.
As a single dad and someone who works full time, things can get extremely hectic in life. I thought I'd write a short post that's a bit more organic and about how my weekend felt like this morning.
Over the years I've grown to learn about my subconscious and raising awareness is my roadmap to healing.
What is happiness? The elusive question that every human being pursues at some point in their lives.
