I was listening to the radio the other day how Christmas time can evoke a lot of emotions inside of us without even realizing it. On one hand, at it’s core, Christmas is a festive holiday bringing people together, filling them with joy and a sense of peace, away from the hustle and bustle of every day life. On the other hand, it can be a painful reminder of things we experienced around this time growing up, or even with recent losses, and how incredibly alone and depressed we can feel.
In the real world, my life was far from being perfect. Growing up in a home rife with family violence, any moments of joy was short-lived and followed up with beatings by my dad, shaming from my older siblings, bullying at school or disppapproval from my mom. Thus, perhaps watching the feel-good 30 minute sitcoms with the happy endings was my form of escape from the painful reminder that my days would often end in tears, pain and loneliness. The paradox was that I wanted my parents to see me as the creative, sensitive and intelligent little boy, but I also wanted to be invisible from the hurt, abuse and neglect.
I never knew what a happy, healthy family model looked like. When I started my own family, I led based only on what I learned growing up that happiness at home is earned through hard work, and being accomplished through the day. I remember growing up, there was a small wooden wall decor in ourContinue reading “Loving an Emotionally Unavailable Mother”
If you’re feeling trapped in the negativity bubble, chances are you’re not alone. I used to be the guy who fell into the negativity trap, often feeling pessimistic towards just about anything. What this meant for me was I started attracting people in my life who thought the same way and together we built a community of naysayers. When things began to turn around for me several years ago, I noticed a shift in my daily life, albeit in small stages. I began to enjoy more uplifting music, I smiled more, I laughed lots, I was able to make jokes at my own expense, and I started to attract friends and people who carried a positive glow.
I was looking for years to meet that special someone I can truly connect with. Someone who gets me. Someone who not only has a zest for life, but also shares the same values. Someone I don’t have to doubt, question or second guess. Someone who may not have gone through a similar journey as I have, but understands me well enough to appreciate my ongoing efforts to become the loving man and father I’m capable of being. Someone who can communicate with me with a simple look.