What happens when you feel stuck?
I used to have every excuse in the book for my unhappiness. It was always someone else’s fault, or how shitty my upbringing was. I wasn’t loved enough, or no one gave me what I needed. My negative attitude led me to a path of depression, anxiety and anger, never able to sustain a healthy relationship with anyone because I would constantly look externally for validation. So that’s how I lived my life for decades. I was holding everyone else accountable for my misfortunes, when the answers all came from within.
I’m starting to sweat. I can feel a tiny droplet – a moist, salty bead trickling down from my forehead, clinging onto the very tip of my nose, ready to fall. Anytime now.
Truth is, I’m sort of nervous. I’ve not been one to take many chances in life. Mostly everything’s been carefully calculated with the usual analytical questions: should I? How much will it cost? What’s the worst that can happen?
Remember when we used to describe a person who was quiet and didn’t show much emotion as the strong, silent type? I don’t often hear that phrase anymore to describe a someone, and I’m glad. I mean, how strong is a person who is silent, especially when it comes to their mental health? Isn’t that an oxymoron? For generations, it was seen as a positive trait, to be the strong, silent type. You’re cool, collected and can withstand internalized pain. Movies stars portrayed this imagery very well, often looking cool and sexy in the movies if they were stoic.
Basketball has given my son an outlet for his depression and anxiety. It’s given him a focal point to practice something he truly enjoys and provides him with entertainment that pulls him away from his negative thought patterns. I’ll always love the sport because of what it has given my son.
If anyone is struggling in their relationships, family or work life, assess your history growing up and ask yourself how the environment may have shaped your present belief system. Did you grow up with a lot family violence, arguments and shaming? Were you violated as a child and put down often? Were there major transitions such as divorce of your parents, moving to a different region or the sudden loss of a loved one? Dig deep and learn more about how childhood events such as trauma and abuse impacted you.