In the real world, my life was far from being perfect. Growing up in a home rife with family violence, any moments of joy was short-lived and followed up with beatings by my dad, shaming from my older siblings, bullying at school or disppapproval from my mom. Thus, perhaps watching the feel-good 30 minute sitcoms with the happy endings was my form of escape from the painful reminder that my days would often end in tears, pain and loneliness. The paradox was that I wanted my parents to see me as the creative, sensitive and intelligent little boy, but I also wanted to be invisible from the hurt, abuse and neglect.
Now that the honeymoon stage is over in our relationship, it’s time to experience the power struggle stage. In my latest blog on dating and relationships, I take a deep dive into how our past trauma can impact the state of the relationship. Why isn’t she texting me back? I’m feeling anxious about us. I feeling resentful over nothing. These are the questions and scenarios I delve into on Healing Past Wounds (also known as, Taking care of my shit!)
The feeling of anxiety can hijack our thoughts, leading us into a state of mental paralysis. Our mind begins to wander, we ruminate and we have a hard time focusing on tasks at hand.
Getting regular exercise can do wonders for your body and mind. Whenever I feel an onset of stress and anxiety, exercising helps me to reset. However, it wasn’t too long ago when I sometimes felt it was impossible to get myself motivated enough to even move a muscle. During that point in my life, I was on the edge of 220 lbs and had poor eating habits comprising of fast food and greasy Chinese take-out on a regular basis. In addition, I was carrying the weight of depression on my shoulders.
Communicating hasn’t always been easy for me. If I had a problem, or felt a little anxious or depressed, I bottled up my feelings. I’d hang on to my feelings of stress and take it out on others, passively or sometimes directly with spiteful words. And saying sorry for my behavior was out of the question. Sorry? What does that mean anyway?