How can we improve our relationship with the people around us?
We all desire happiness, love and intimacy. These are all normal human desires that keep us actively pursuing relationships.
But how do we get from a place of chasing to a place of already having?
It took me a while to get to a place of knowing what the true answer is to this question. For the better part of my adult life, I chased love. I felt a void in my life that I felt only someone else could fill.
Trauma survivors will all raise their hands with what I’m about to share. We all (consciously and subconsciously) feel a sense of abandonment, lack of worth and rejection. Trauma creates either a fear of intimacy inside us or a fear of abandonment which translates to us either running away from or chasing with insecurities in our relationships, respectively.
Trauma can take on many forms and doesn’t necessarily need to be anything catastrophic. It can be one significant event we experienced that created a bias in our subconscious to protect ourselves in the face of dangers that may or may not be real. We create our own stories to self-sabotage the relationships. On one hand, if we’re the anxious type, we might think our partners are going to leave us or reject us. If we’re the avoidant type, we might think our partners aren’t good enough for us and we start looking for little flaws in them to give ourselves reasons to reject them.
Join me as I sit in as a guest on The Positive Self Storyteller Podcast to talk about how we need to take a deep dive into the paramount relationship with ourselves before we can improve our relationship with others. Host Ryan Smith is a personal development and trauma expert who discusses issues of mental health and how by silencing your negative narrator and becoming a positive self storyteller, we can grow into a better version of ourselves.
In my interview with Ryan, we also talk about my books Living with the Dragon, Healing 15 000 Days of Abuse and Shame, along with Living with the Cat, the 9 Biggest Reasons Why Your Life Sucks! which goes over my personal accounts on trauma, depression, anger, recovery, inner child work, fatherhood and new beginnings.