My life is in constant evolution.
When I look back even a mere 5 years ago, I could never imagine I’d become the man I am today; more positive, more spiritual, more present.
I attribute much of this to the healing process. I must admit, in my 20’s and most of my 30’s, the word healing was not in my vocabulary. In fact, I probably sneered or was smug to anyone who dared to venture and use those words, my healing journey.
I had a bruised ego during those decades, often putting myself on a pedestal, believing I was invincible and always right. Now well into my 40’s I look back at that man and cringe, but most of all forgive him for what he was unaware of. That’s the power of healing. It allows us to grow, much like a tree, branching in all directions, exploring all possibilities upward.
Healing is a word we sometimes use loosely without much thought to its profound power and value. Externally, we are constantly healing, replacing dead skin cells and old hair follicles. Internally, healing takes place in a different way. It requires a lot more self awareness and motivation.
As a man, I understand this topic is difficult for many men to digest. Healing takes place when there’s vulnerability and that often puts men in an uncomfortable position. I’ve lived this truth when I was married a lifetime ago. Many of our disagreements resulted in a similar pattern which involved my inability to listen, validate and hear my ex’s thoughts and feelings. I had to be right and there was no grey area in this. The problem stemmed from an unhealed man. I took any feedback from her as a statement of attack, when in truth, it wasn’t at all. I took it personally and if I had dug deeper, I would have known that my feelings of being attacked stemmed from a deeper feeling of inadequacy and worth.
Presently, I find myself far more balanced than ever before, after doing years of work with self awareness and self-worth with therapists. I realized a long time ago, we’re all on a healing journey, regardless of age. And regardless of what life experiences you had or did not have, we are all subject to feeling inadequate and less worthy at some point in our lives, whereby internal healing needs to take place.
A husband who stubbornly refuses to address their marital struggles is in a much needed place of healing. Unable to be vulnerable and face his feelings is in fact the marker that there’s a deeper wound that he may or may not be aware of. Maybe he feels afraid that he’s failed as a husband. Maybe he feels scared that he’s not good enough. Maybe he’s afraid of his wife leaving him. Maybe he’s afraid of what he may unravel about his subconscious. These are all normal feelings to have, but until men bravely address these, we will continue to bury our problems and run the risk of severing intimacy with our partners.
There’s so many resources out there that can help us heal and grow. And there’s a lot of subtle ways we can heal without it feeling too foreign and invasive. Quietly meditating in our own space, talking about our feelings with a trusted friend (or counsellor), or writing about our thoughts in a journal are some basic ways we can promote healing. Healing doesn’t have to mean going on a week long retreat at a haven or a conference for Healing Your Life.
Small steps is what a mentor used to say to me. Get into practice of taking small steps bit by bit, day by day and you’ll discover yourself in a happier space over time. In addition, welcome new ideas to grow, without judging them. I started out (what seemed like a lifetime ago) by openly attending an 8 week long anger management workshop for men, in tandem with a ton of reading on understanding my life. They were small steps for me. Then, I worked with therapists for years (and still do), followed by workshops on a variety of different healing models and changing unhealthy subconscious belief systems. Today, I’m learning about the Universal Law of Attraction, Manifestations and understanding that My Life is what I make it out to be. This opened doors for me to learn a bit about Reiki healing and to anything else that I openly allow into my space. As you can see, my healing journey has evolved immensely and will continue to do so. The result is that I’m in a healthier space than ever before, which is extremely exciting and long overdue.