It sure feels wonderful to be back home in Vancouver after a week out of town for work. The comfort in our fresher air quality, warmer climate and softness of my bed reminds me how appreciative I am of what I have already in life.
After I landed, I dropped by to see Anne and spent a delightful afternoon at Granville Island chatting and getting to know each other more. She studied art in her past life and we walked into an art supply store and it reminded of the times when I used to paint and express myself through my paintings. Something I had almost forgotten…lost along the way and it was nice to hear her encouraging words. Who knows…maybe I’ll pick up the brush and acrylic paint set again sometime. Anne is an incredibly intelligent woman, both emotionally and intellectually. She’s very strong willed, independent and opinionated which provides me with a lot of deeper thoughts (more than what I already have), insight and new perspectives. I particularly enjoy taking a deep dive into conversations with her about how past traumas affect us adults. I’ve learned much from her in the past three weeks and I’d like to think I reciprocate with new insight and perspectives as well.
I picked up my teenage son afterwards who was happy to see me, even though he didn’t show it outwardly…just call it a feeling. I attempted at having a conversation with him during dinner but his non loquacious style resulted in one word answers. I sarcastically responded with, “I really cherish these one-on-one moments with you….”great” talks we’re having…” – I got a chuckle from him and in my books, that’s a win.
This morning, I went to boot-camp and I realized how much I’ve missed it over the course of being away. I arrived early and at the same time as our instructor Joni. Soon, I saw my good friend Candice who I work-out with on the occasional weekend. Then Fiona, Chase, Cole, Barb, Nancy and the rest of the class started trickling in. I have to say, it felt like being home again! Seeing my friends, laughing at 6 am, exercising and seeing so many smiles brought a lot of pleasure to me this morning.
For the rest of today, I’ll spend time at home cooking (because I miss eating a home cooked meal!), read a book Anne lent me called “The Betrayal Bond”, play a few video games and maybe plan for upcoming speeches and presentations on anger and mental health. Finally, I’ll pack again to fly out tomorrow one last time before Christmas.
Although I feel physically tired from travel, I feel energized mentally. I feel more solid and grounded these days mentally. When I say that, I mean that I am mindfully aware of my body and thoughts; addressing anything that needs to be taken care of.
The first step is acknowledgement.
The second step is taking action.
I enjoy Anne’s friendship and although I can’t predict the future and where she’s at, all I know is that dating this time around, I feel grounded emotionally and know that my self-care, self-awareness, self-love and self-worth are paramount and present. Not just for her sake, but most importantly for myself. If I’m not comfortable with being my honest self rather than trying to impress a woman, there’s no chance in hell this could become anything healthy which includes just a friendship if we choose not to pursue anything romantically long term. Life goes on for me, as it should. My physical exercise routines, spending time with my son, my passion in blogging and writing, promoting my book Living with the Dragon, spending time with friends, continuing to find ways to improve my mental health by educating myself are things in my life that has brought me great emotional success through the years. And while meeting Anne has been a pleasant and welcomed addition in my life, it’s important that I’m not drawn in too quickly with emotions and know also what I want and not lose my individuality as we discover each other some more. I also need to continue pursuing my own passions and routines, and not lose focus on my present and long term goals – that’s self-love to me.
Happy Tuesday everyone!